Feb 282010

Have to change … have to try,

This way of living, is no way to die.


Do it for me, do it for them …

Getting rid of old habits – must try again!


Cluttered life … complex thoughts,

Body can’t stand it … now falling apart.


The older I get, the sooner to start,

It’s a race to the finish, towards living as art.


An ‘all or nothing’ attitude, got me this state,

The only way, now, to make a clean break?


A leaf from the past … just one more time,

Then drop it forever – my plan of mine.


“Keep it to yourself” … some may say,

 Seems like vanity, going this way.


Friends, just like a ‘12-step’ plan,

Setting such goals, must be so grand!


I’ll go one better (my way so true!),

By this June 10th, I’ll report back to you.


With so much at stake and so much to lose,

 God help me when it’s over – the right way to choose!


But promises made … now must be kept,

My love ones surround me … my safety net!


Feb 092010

The other night, I heard a live performance of The Beatle’s tune ‘Yesterday’. It reminded me of when I was 17 years of age in 1964 when first saw The Beatles perform it on the Ed Sullivan show – the first time live on national TV.

And, although I’ve heard it many times since (the most recorded song in history); it actually didn’t affect me as much as it did sitting in an audience one night. The darkness of the auditorium meant that no one could see my eyes welling up, no matter how hard I tried to resist. A nagging thought of our youngest daughter haunted me. Lately, she’d not been too happy with her Dad, over things said … and probably things unsaid.

‘Why she had to go, I don’t know, she wouldn’t say …’

When she was just seventeen, I remember one morning – as I was dropping her off at her high school parking lot – she became extremely upset at me for chastising her about not concentrating on her studies. Her eyes flashed in anger, as her fiercely independent spirit compelled her to lash out at me. When I suggested that it was better coming from me, than from some jerk; she said “… some jerk did tell me!”Slamming the car door getting out, she almost immediately turned back to me; and with tears in her eyes and with arms around my neck, told me she loved me. It was over. We made our peace.

‘I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.’

Now a beautiful young woman; she’ll be coming home for brunch this Sunday … maybe things will work out again.

So my advice, especially so close to Valentine’s Day? Don’t be like me, by not telling your loved ones how much they mean to you … every day.  You just never know what might happen tomorrow.

To me, as I get ‘old and grey’, the realization that I need my family more than they need me … is a feeling that I can’t shake.   Or to quote another great Beatle song:

‘Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?’’